A penny for my thoughts.

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In times when life touches us with chaos and things that are completely out of our control, I find that gratitude is the best weapon against this natural force from consuming our emotions and our mind.

If you have something to be grateful for it can stand against the weight of any misfortune or circumstance.

I am grateful for my family. I am grateful for my siblings. I am grateful for my nephews. I am grateful for my parents. I am grateful for my family to be. I am grateful for my fiancé; my compass, my love, my best friend and my hero. I am grateful for our two cats, who bring life and joy into the apartment. I am grateful for my true friends who have stood by me for better or for worse and the friends who were temporary, but who made me smile while they were still present in my life. I am grateful to all of the professors and teachers who have supported me inside the classroom and outside. I am grateful for the gifts of talent I have been given; my singing voice, my writing skills and my imagination. I am grateful for my own appreciation and for my love of the things that I am good at. I am grateful for the education I have had and for the ability to have an intelligent mind that will allow me to continue in the future if I permit it. I am grateful for the strength and understanding God has bestowed upon me to help me get through things that I do not understand. I am grateful to live in a country where my health is taken care of. I am grateful that as a woman and as a disabled I do, at least in comparison to other places, have it pretty well and have opportunities that others may not have. I am grateful to be able to write and voice whatever I please without fear of consequence to my safety. I am grateful for the past I have lived and the mistakes and misfortunes I have grown from. I am grateful for my present, for the enormous support from a great list of different people (they know who they are). I am grateful for the future that I may still have, without expectations because I realize that there are things out of my control, just acceptance…and of course gratitude, for the ability to have gone through so much and to be able to handle it with acceptance and grace for that of which I have no control over.

I believe full heartedly that when handled with a list of things we are grateful for we can rise up stronger for the beautiful chaos in the thing that we call life.

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Gratitude

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One  thing I’ve come to realize is that life is not fair, and it’s stressful and it’s hard. This is why it is so important to have gratitude. Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. I read that “it turns what we have into enough and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into clarity, problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past…brings peace for today and creates vision for tomorrow.”

The start of my day, meaning at one in the morning, didn’t start how I would’ve wanted it to, but I still find things to be grateful for and I do believe that it is a very important practice not just for those who have suffered, but for everyone because everyone suffers a little at some point. I like the statement so, i’ll repeat it again, gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.

What are you thankful for today?

The Good The Bad and The Ugly

Today was a bit rocky for me. I have suffered from health issues for about a year now; both mental and physical and today I went back to university. I was very anxious and during the moment I wanted to be anywhere, but campus. However, as the day progressed I noticed a few things that changed my perspective. Yes, I was anxious, but there were things that happened today that earlier I took for granted.

Both of my friends sat next to me in class. My best friend picked me up and took me home and helped me feel better after I had my panic attack. My fiancé made me lunch and tea to help me relax. My best man, who I have known for almost ten years, texted my fiancé to see how he was doing proving that my happiness is more important to him than any feelings for me. My parents talked to me and gave me advice and support about how to deal with the semester. My fiancé agreed to come with me to campus tomorrow to help make things easier for me.

The anxiety and the physical pain is bad and downright ugly, but it is amazing when you are at your weakest how many people step up to take care of you. I know my illness won’t heal overnight, but right now I feel blessed to have such an amazing support system. I still have anxiety, but it feels less scary knowing that there are people who truly love and care about me to help me stay on my feet.

I guess the lesson here, and the reason why I’m posting this, is because no matter how bad things appear to be it’s important to realize that there things to be grateful for even when you find yourself at the bottom. I am may not have the best health right now, but I am loved and that means a lot right now.