Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.
It is interesting coming across something that was written so long ago and reflect on how much you changed. I think the things that remains to be true after 5 years of being in a relationship, it is that love does take hostages and it does make you vulnerable. However, something I didn’t understand before is that love is worth it. Every ounce of pain, every tear fallen, leads you into something that could potentially be amazing. Fear cripples you. And a life without love of any kind is tragic. The Beatles got it right; “all you need is love.”